"How do I get what I need when others have the power"

This is the second part of my answer to Madeleine's question about untangling herself from a dangerous situation.  I'm also addressing a question from Paula, who had a similar dilemma.

Madeleine's felt that her male friend (Bernard) and his girlfriend could threaten her well-being if she didn't handle things just right.  But there didn't seem to be a way for her to deal with both the reality situation of her current finances and finding a way to negotiate a different deadline for repaying the loan, because the girlfriend was blocking Madeleine's communications to Bernard, and threatening her about paying the loan back immediately.

Paula's dilemma is that she is in the process of applying for jobs, and feeling a lot of anxiety about it because as there are so many people looking for relatively few jobs.  She feels she has to get the wording of her cover letters just right, because she can't know the mood the person who will read it might be in, or what word might or might not catch her eye, and so on.  She's trying to figure out all of the pitfalls that might happen, and how to find a way around them.

Jane:Both of these scenarios seem to have to do with each of you feeling others have a lot of power in relation to you, and you have to somehow figure out how to handle them or appease them so you can get the outcome that you're looking for.  Basically you feel at the whim of other people in relation to situations that relate to your personal survival, because you are letting them define your reality for you. 

To Madeleine:There is no way for you to figure out the permutations of Bernard and his girlfriend might do this, or they might do that.  And how do you combat this or ward against that? 

In these various scenarios you're not actually relating to the people you perceive as having the power (Bernard and his girlfriend).  You're relating to what they symbolize for you, and they are relating to what you symbolize to them -- and the power-struggle each of you is in with the other.  But you're not actually at their mercy. All you can do is connect with what you have in front of you, what you can realistically do, what the way forward is -- from what makes sense to you.  You're in relationship to a larger truth that defines reality.  If you try to sort things out based on figuring out, compensating for, or out-psyching their defense systems and machinations, you'll drive yourself crazy.  But if you relate to what is actually true, from your own direct experience of the reality you're coming from, i.e. what the steps are that actually make sense to the best of your ability and follow them, that's all you can really do.  That is putting your focus on what is in reality in the situation rather than someone else's distortions of reality.  And that puts you in a much more empowered place.

To Paula:

It doesn't help for you to agonize over figuring out what kind of mood the person who will read the letter might be in, and what she might or might not pick up on, and so on.  There is no solution that way.

In relation to your well-being, you're not really in relationship with that person or that company.  What you're in relationship with is something deeper.  You are on your path, and you are connected with an opening that is in front of you that is connected to a larger truth.  It only appears that you are relating to that person and that situation, but that's not really what's going to get you where you are trying to arrive.  It's more an energetic thing.  It's being in the right place at the right time, not according to them, but in accordance to the path that is opening up for you in your life.  Your experience of reality is not defined by people and situations outside yourself.  They don't even know what they're doing in relation to you on that level.  There is something larger at play.  And if you're not relating to that larger truth, there's no moving forward.

And so listen to your inner guidance about what jobs to apply for and when to apply, and what is opening up in front of you, and what inspiration comes to you.  You connect with what the next steps are for you from the perspective of where you are, what you are aware of, and what you are able to do in each moment.  Look for the openings, where the energy is flowing, what you feel moved to do.  Getting in alignment with this level of life is what you are really dependent on, not some person's personal momentary whim.

© 2011 Jane Ilene Cohen